2015 was full of some big lessons about confidence for me. I have some
goals going into to 2016. In a nutshell they are write more, read more, workout
more, cook more, and plan a kickass wedding. I am also in the initial planning
phases of a side holistic wellness private practice, with a timeline and
business plan yet to come. I can do it all, and I say that with confidence.
I moved in with my fiancé in July 2016, around the time of
my last blog post. To say life was an adjustment would be an incredible
understatement. My life changed completely. Not all of the adjustment was
graceful, despite my overwhelming theme of bursting with joy in 2015. Here are
some of the things we overcame.
My fiancé and I have different parenting styles. It took a
lot of conversation to figure out why, but we did figure it out. We learned we
have different primary values of parenting. My fiancé believes parenting is a
protective role, and home should be a safe place to land and relax. I believe
parenting is a teaching role, a limited amount of time to equip a child with
skills of independence and coping. But once we realized that both these
primary values are love-driven and are complimentary to each other, we were much better at parenting together.
We now lean on each other and ask each other for advice on how the other person
would handle a situation.
When I moved to my new small town, I had difficulty adjusting
to leaving the city I was from, and I went into culture shock. There is a
homogeneity to my new town. It is hard to find anything subversive or any
diverse culture. However, after much effort,
I found a winery at which to become a member, a progressive faith community in
which to participate, and book club in which I meet my social and intellectual
needs with other women who are well-traveled and transitioned to this new town
after careers elsewhere. It took
patience with myself through the adjustment and with the time it takes to find
quality connections, but this little town is starting to feel like a home.
Also, I did P90X and
lost 15 lbs! Sure, then I gained 3 lbs back, but now I am renewing my
fitness efforts.
The key to all of these things is if I did not choose to
believe I could co-parent with someone who
had been doing it for much longer than I have, make a home out of a small town,
or get in shape, I could not have done any of these things. I had to learn and
really accept that I am sufficient to meet these challenges, motivate myself to be as healthy as I can, and build enriching community, to keep
working towards thriving in the midst of challenges.
But really, deep down, to even get out of the gate, I had to
believe I could do it first. And that belief required a choice, that regardless
of what happened or how tough it got, I would not give up. I was not confident
I could excel. I was simply confident I could endure. I could remain present,
dust myself off when I failed, and keep taking one step forward. That
confidence was enough to help me believe I can even get better, with practice. Confidence is not naivety about what we are
capable of doing. Confidence should be a humble, devoted, beautiful thing. It
comes from a simple willingness to adapt to challenges, come what may, and then
a commitment to hold ourselves accountable to continue to attain progress.
So as I look at 2016, I say with confidence, I will write
more, read more, workout more, cook more, and throw an amazing party (our wedding) where I commit
to be there for my boys forever. I am excited about the endless possibilities
of what the New Year holds and of how we all will grow and adapt. Savor the
newness, and fondly remember those moments where you defied odds and proved to
yourself you could continue to adapt in the face of something difficult.
